V.I. Warshawski
Growing up in the throes of poverty I didn’t get to experience a lot of luxuries. My father and I lived in hotels, homeless shelters, and would couch surf with church families while going from city to city.
Even though we didn’t have a lot, one thing remained constant. Movie and Pizza night. Every Friday my father would get us a pepperoni pizza and we would go to the video store and I got to pick out a movie. I was only allowed to shop from the interior of the store where you would find your older, less expensive rentals. The walls of the store were new releases, something I could only dream about.
Of the selections in the middle the ones I gravitated to was the 80’s comedy section. John Candy, Steve Martin, Bette Midler, Lily Tomlin, and my absolute favorite, Kathleen Turner.
Even as a young Judy Blume Boy I knew that Katheen Turner was an icon.
My favorite film of hers to rent was V. I. Warshawski. It was about a street smart, wise cracking, private detective, who was not afraid to use her feminine wiles to get the upper hand on men who would underestimate her. I must have rented it over a hundred times over the years. Everytime I watch it now I can smell pepperoni pizza and hear the loud humming of a cheap motel air conditioner.
I was in fifth grade in a school and city I can’t remember because we moved so frequently. I would make friends, invite them over to play, and then get home and the car was packed. This is now why I make friends easily and keep all my things in my car.
I had just made a new friend from my class named Ricky. Ricky had also seen V.I. Warshawski starring Kathleen turner, and over lunch we decided we were going to play. I of course would play V.I. and he would play… whoever else I really didn’t care. We chased each other around, looked for clues that we hid, and then I got arrested. He handcuffed me and pushed me up against the brick wall. He whispered in my ear “I got you now, V.I.” Neither of us said anything but both felt incredibly tense in a way I had not experienced before. We went back to Mrs. Capp’s class and never talked about it again.
And that is when I realized I was a homosexual.